Trump Kansas Rally Inspires Local Idiot to Create Satire News Website
WICHITA- Earlier this week, Donald Trump held a rally in Kansas in support of Republican incumbent Roger Marshall. While many locals took the opportunity to heckle and disrupt the president’s speech, one man took a different approach to voice his dissent.
“Between the war, the tariffs, the Gestapo-style mass kidnappings, gutting SNAP, which farmers rely on, and many other things. I just think Kansans are fed up.”
Republicringe correspondent Wulfen Blitzen inquired further about the man’s life and his motives, to which he responded “I’m just an IT guy. I’m kind of an idiot honestly and I don’t really know what I’m doing. But I do know what I’d rather be doing- literally anything else. I can’t adequately express how much I’d rather be playing Brotato right now. But instead, I have to make websites and protest and fight powerful corrupt people. It’s such a drag honestly,” he said as he shrugged.
Blitzen then brought up the new Star Wars pod racing game “I heard it was really good!”
Local Idiot stared off into the horizon with water welling up in his eyes frowning, clearly about to burst into tears “... It is?”
Blitzen then asked why he thought he was the man for the job.
“Oh, I’m definitely not the man for the job. Not only am I not the man for the job, but I also have no writers, no web developers or designers, no PR team, no legal team, nothing. Just me. I don’t even know if this is legal. Am I going to get sued? Someone please help me.”
This is satire. Quotes and events are made up.